Well folks it's been awhile since I've had an opportunity to sit down and do some writing. So I was sitting here watching these Country Music Awards and out comes my old buddy Kris Kristofferson, looking better than he has any right to, I think we're the same age? Let me tell you that old boy put just about anything down his gullet in his day. It got me to thinking about why some things happen to some folks and some things never happen to others?
You've heard me talk about Dan who comes by and checks on me now and then. About 3 weeks ago, Wendell was doing his motor paper route so Dan was doing some double duty, he said he'd take me to my hypertension checkup if I had time to ride along to the eye doctor appointement that his wife had. I said that would be fine, I've always enjoyed laughing along with Ms. Stephanie and an eye appointment would surely bring some laughs after they dilated her eyeballs! Fun stuff there.
So, we drop Ms. Stephanie off at the eye doctor, Dan and I head over to Casey's and grab some coffee then head back to the doctor office, sit in the parking lot and enjoy the sunshine & beautiful morning. Pretty soon here comes Ms. Stephanie out the door and she's just about to the car when a nurse comes chasing out after her...soon they're looking pretty serious and heading back inside. Well Dan gets out of the car and heads into the office to see what is up.
I'm waiting in the car and about 10 minutes later here they both come and said "We're heading to the hospital" Stephanie is crying and upset and Dan is driving about 100 miles an hour down the interstate.
We get to the Methodist Hospital in Des Moines and they've got a wheelchair waiting for Ms. Stephanie.. They roll her into the John Stoddard Cancer Clinic. Dan and I sit and wait for what seems to be forever and here they come.. They are checking her into the hospital. She's got something major wrong with her...
We walk about 5 miles down hallways, Stephanie in a wheelchair and they check her into a room.... It was a few hours of doctors, nurses, blood transfusions and the whole mess... About 3 hours later they think it's her spleen, then about 4 hours later they think it's her kidneys, then about 48 hours later after they took about 3 quarts of blood from her, they diagnosed it as Leukemia.
Well Dan and Stephanie are stunned... How did a simple eye appointment turn into a blood cancer? That was the question that both of them asked over and over.
Well where they are at today is Ms. Stephanie had 7 days of Chemo and came through great. She's been in that hospital since October 19th. She needs to get her blood count up to a certain number before she gets to come home. They feel confident that they can knock the lukemia into remission and Ms. Stephanie will come out of it just fine.
Well I've been pretty quiet about it all and offering what support I could. I noticed Ms. Stephanie talked about her experience on her website here I'm sure some of you know her as the ass-kicking Iowa Harley Girl.
Old Buford would appreciate it you could swing by her website and offer up some thoughts, prayers and provide a little inspiration. She celebrated her birthday and their wedding anniversary in the hospital yesterday, on her own, as Dan ended up with the flu and cannot expose her to anything since she has no resistance to any sort of bugs right now.
I've been a little un-inspired lately and haven't been doing much writing as you can imagine. Tonight when I saw my friend Kris Kristofferson walk onstage I thought, if that old outlaw can walk onto a stage after his rough an tumble life, I've no doubt that Ms. Stephanie will be getting back on that Harley as soon as she gets outta that hospital.
So, thanks for reading this. I know you probably expected something a little more thoughtful and insightful but I've found that sometimes you've got to clear the pipes out before you can let things flow freely... I'm just doing some pipe clearing.
Thank you to our Vets and those serving right now. All over this big old dangerous world. You allow us to do whatever we want to do because you are willing to stand in sand! Thank you.
I found this little saying on my friend Jerry's facebook website today, I didn't write it I don't know who did but I thought it was pretty fitting given the situation.
Move . . . dance . . . play . . . sing. As the butterfly moves its wings . . . so must you.
Buford.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Press Release from Wendell Barcelona
Folks - Wendell asked me to post his Press Release onto my website as apparently his is down for maintenence at this time. I asked him if it was maintenence on his wallet! He said he needed to get this press release out to the public as soon as possible so I'm allowing him to utilize my highly read forum. Thanks for understanding, we'll talk soon - Buford.
Los Angeles California, October 28th, 2009 / Wendell Barcelona Press Release
Waverly Iowa considered as potential home for Legendary Hollywood Film Star!
An open Press Release to the citizens of Waverly, Iowa
Waverly Iowa considered as potential home for Legendary Hollywood Film Star!
An open Press Release to the citizens of Waverly, Iowa
From the desk of Wendell Barcelona,
Hollywood California.
Waverly, thanks for letting us drop in!
While many of you slept you may not even known that you were visited by an Academy Nominated Hollywood Film Star. Two Thursdays back my client, his personal trainer, along with a bodyguard, and myself were in your lovely burg scouting out locations for an independent film that my client is not only being credited for co-writing, is also co-producing. My client had heard your Ashton Kutcher a few years back on one of the talk shows discussing Iowa in great detail and when this project came to light he said “Wendell, we’re going to Iowa” I admit, I had to look upon Google to find your state. I’m glad I did!
We spent Thursday driving gravel roads looking for an abandoned farm house that more than likely will have to be torn down and rebuilt. We stopped into a small café in a city called Plainfield. (love that name Plain Field So free of any illusions of grandeur which clutter up the names of other cities. If you choose to live in a Plain Field, you simply cannot have high expectations…wonderful!)
After having a lunch so life-like, there were actual farmers with red caps who smelled like farm animals, our group departed toward the city and looked forward to spending a night at the luxurious Red Fox Inn. We showered and after trying unsuccessfully to land a masseuse to come to our suites we gave up and headed “Downtown.” Your city was alive! We drove past your film matinee where people were actually standing in line! Unheard of in LA! We ate deep fried foods at a tavern named “the Goat” and we relaxed along the riverfront and watched people openly trying to catch fish while not one homeless person approached us for money! My client was floored. He turned to me and said “Wendell, I need to experience a rebirth of life here”
A little background. Over the last several years my client has become a bit disillusioned with the film industry in LA. He is accustomed to securing 15 to 20 million per picture but over the last few years the film industry has changed to no up-front, back-end only contracts. I realize I’m throwing a lot of big city industry film terms around but bear with me. My client recently had a 4 picture development deal that went Detroit (died) He had invested almost 2 years of his life traveling between Dubai meeting with the investors and LA to meet with producers. After the deal was put to rest he took a hiatus and has been reading scripts and looking for something small in which he can get back to his roots. (His roots are born and raised in Venice Beach but he wanted to feel something real, dirt!) He has purchased a screenplay, changed some of the locations from a tropical film location to a rural scenic destination. That is why we’re in Iowa. How did we land in Waverly Iowa you ask? Simple! You won the lottery when a dart, tossed by my client, hit the tiny town of Clarksville. The logical “city” was Greene (which has a much smaller population than appears on the map) after flying into Mason City; the limo driver stated “Waverly is the next Palm Springs.” We drove straight from Greene Iowa to Waverly Iowa and here we are. You should feel very fortunate at the luck of the dart Waverly; it could have just as easily struck an Ottumwa or Decorah.
My client not only fell in love with the land but became enamored of Waverly. He understands that Ashton Kutcher ran from the fields of Iowa like a Coyote running out of the hills of a southern California wildfire but my client so loved our Thursday venture that he has decided he wants to live in your city Waverly permanently!
He has retained me to write an open press release to your newspaper and other media. He wanted the citizens of Waverly to be informed of your wonderful luck before it leaks into the trades or on TMZ. My client wants to stress that he is just a regular guy. He understands you’ll want to approach him on the streets and in the restaurants. (A Mrs. Ackerman asked for his autograph at the Dairy Queen but we were not really bothered) He will hold a news conference in your city at a future date before the move and of course will allow a one time public viewing of his private residences and offices once those are completed.
He is looking at a potential move date of October of 2013. This should allow your economic development group plenty of time to consider some of the suggestions that my client has requested your city provides in order for him (and yourselves) to acclimate to living in the Midwest.
The very first thing we noticed upon retiring to the Red Fox Inn and preparing for our evening out were a legitimate lack of starlets. My client, currently single, would require a rather large dating pool of available females. Being in his late forties to early sixties his dating pool can include physically fit, blond starlet types between 23 and 34 years of age. We realize there are no actual starlets in Waverly but perhaps several could acquire the look. “Heroin thin”, blond, enhanced. My client would be willing to provide all funding for nutritionist, Pilates instructors and a doctor who is able to provide any medications and/or surgeries required to help these women achieve his desired results. We are asking the city provide an environment able to sustain a pool of 18 to 25 young women to be available at anytime to date my client. Single moms and farmer’s wives would be considered. (We were at the Applebees? and two young mothers of about 24 climbed down out of their large pickup truck both wearing coveralls and boots over the top of them. My client could tell underneath their feed caps that there may be potential in these farm wives. They were so brazen and fearless being in public in coveralls…Raw bold beauty.)
My client will require adequate housing and office space. He has put his 25,000 square foot home in Hollywood on the market and would require similar accommodations. He visited a couple of homes in Gateway which he considered purchasing and combining but then decided he would help out Waverly by putting up some of his own money and stimulating economic development as a showing of wanting to become a regular Waverly citizen.
My client has retained the Radishire Architectural Group from Australia and has delivered a vision to them of what he needs to feel fulfilled in. The Radishire Group is working on plans as of this writing. I cannot divulge all details but here is a “sneak preview” of what he intends to build. Your downtown skyline could be enhanced with an 11 story all glass building. My client will occupy an 18,000 square foot luxury condominium on the top floor, 10th floor for production studio. 9th floor would be available for any visiting friends, family and extended stay for his ex-wife/business partner whom he maintains a cordial relationship. The other 8 floors would be city owned. My client could provide initial capital to begin the project and of course would purchase the top three floors. The city would be required to fill the remainder 8 floors in exchange for partial ownership in the building and of course share in the taxes generated from it.
My client currently has a glorious expansive ocean view. We are not sure how this works but would be forever grateful if the city could create a small 500 acre lake for water front property. He would love to be able to look out of his windows in the morning as he does his yoga and align his chi with water. Something similar to what the city of Chicago offers. (This is not a deal breaker he finds your “ocean of corn” quite appealing at this time. Perhaps the Waverly ocean could be a 3 to 5 year project. When we viewed some of the flood images on Google however, he did remark, “It’s a shame the waters went away completely, some if it provided a lovely city lake”
I’m sorry Waverly but this next suggestion is a little embarrassing for you. My client realizes you’ve been dealing with floods and tornados over the last few years but you’ve got to pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and continue to be progressive! Your city is appallingly lacking a Rolls Royce or Bentley dealership – Frankly your inventory of Buicks and Fords is… well…Boring. You may not be aware of this but did you know that California has completely different models of Fords and Buicks than your dealerships are offering you? Have you even heard of the Buick Opulence? While not a deal breaker, a Rolls or Bentley dealership would be ideal. We needed a luxury vehicle last Thursday, stopped in to purchase one, and while talking to a sales person at the Chevrolet dealership, he did think it would be possible to take on a line of perhaps something like Land Rover. Chicago is simply too far away to have to drive to rent a Ferrari for the weekend. Consider this Waverly. You cannot really call yourself a city without a high end luxury automobile dealership.
Finally, my client has an eclectic collection of friends who could be bringing in incredible amounts of money but would also need an extremely large hotel built to accommodate them and their entourages. Hollywood people travel in large groups and stay for extended periods. Your hotel should have no problem keeping rooms booked for periods of 3 to 4 months to an entourage of 70 to 80 people. My client’s celebrity golf tournament which raises money for children with cleft palates has 50 celebrities who participate. That brings close to 6000 people on opening day just from their entourages and handlers. While we plan to continue that tournament at the Beverly Hills Golf and Country Club at this time, down the road James Wood and Stuart Copeland (of the rock band the Police) might get a real kick out of playing a couple of rounds in Waverly Iowa. (I can’t promise due to contractual details)
My client realizes these request make him sound like he is a demanding sort. Just the opposite! He feels these are all amenities that locals could (and would) enjoy. He says that once situated he may even get a kick out of being your Mayor for a few years. His friend Mr. Eastwood reigned in Carmel for a while and it was a hoot. My client feels we could negotiate with your city promotions board and come to terms for him to be adequately compensated for the international exposure provided to Waverly in exchange for him reigning as Mayor.
Things we loved about Waverly!
Your tiny airport cute and homey in its cornfield surroundings would be adequate for 14 to 16 Lear Jets landing and taking off. (Please for the love of God is there a limousine service in Waverly? He’ll require daily rental)
Your traffic light obedience policies are funny. The lights turn yellow and people actually stop before the light turns red. We sat by the river and watched people do that for 2 hours. We laughed so hard I thought my client’s personal trainer was going to pass out.
You seem to have delicious water. He’ll still drink imported bottled water but he won’t have to shower in it.
There you have it Waverly. We’ll keep you updated as the potential move and film production comes closer. Due to contractual obligations and privacy policy I am unable to name my client at this time. If you run into Mrs. Ackerman she may spill the beans as she shows you her newly prized “Go Hawk” T-shirt (with the “chocolate fudge likeness of Mickey Mouse” stain)
We look forward to another potential visit in early spring. Enjoy your fall (we hear “the leaves are beautiful” that is so funny!)
Wendell Barcelona
Wendell Barcelona and Associates
WB&A Media Inc.
The WB Group of Affiliated Artists
WB Productions
A Wendell Barcelona Company
Barcelona Events
Hollywood California.
2000091 Avenue of the Stars
Suite 2940B2Los Angeles, CA 90067t: 421.288.2000 f: 421.288.2980
Waverly, thanks for letting us drop in!
While many of you slept you may not even known that you were visited by an Academy Nominated Hollywood Film Star. Two Thursdays back my client, his personal trainer, along with a bodyguard, and myself were in your lovely burg scouting out locations for an independent film that my client is not only being credited for co-writing, is also co-producing. My client had heard your Ashton Kutcher a few years back on one of the talk shows discussing Iowa in great detail and when this project came to light he said “Wendell, we’re going to Iowa” I admit, I had to look upon Google to find your state. I’m glad I did!
We spent Thursday driving gravel roads looking for an abandoned farm house that more than likely will have to be torn down and rebuilt. We stopped into a small café in a city called Plainfield. (love that name Plain Field So free of any illusions of grandeur which clutter up the names of other cities. If you choose to live in a Plain Field, you simply cannot have high expectations…wonderful!)
After having a lunch so life-like, there were actual farmers with red caps who smelled like farm animals, our group departed toward the city and looked forward to spending a night at the luxurious Red Fox Inn. We showered and after trying unsuccessfully to land a masseuse to come to our suites we gave up and headed “Downtown.” Your city was alive! We drove past your film matinee where people were actually standing in line! Unheard of in LA! We ate deep fried foods at a tavern named “the Goat” and we relaxed along the riverfront and watched people openly trying to catch fish while not one homeless person approached us for money! My client was floored. He turned to me and said “Wendell, I need to experience a rebirth of life here”
A little background. Over the last several years my client has become a bit disillusioned with the film industry in LA. He is accustomed to securing 15 to 20 million per picture but over the last few years the film industry has changed to no up-front, back-end only contracts. I realize I’m throwing a lot of big city industry film terms around but bear with me. My client recently had a 4 picture development deal that went Detroit (died) He had invested almost 2 years of his life traveling between Dubai meeting with the investors and LA to meet with producers. After the deal was put to rest he took a hiatus and has been reading scripts and looking for something small in which he can get back to his roots. (His roots are born and raised in Venice Beach but he wanted to feel something real, dirt!) He has purchased a screenplay, changed some of the locations from a tropical film location to a rural scenic destination. That is why we’re in Iowa. How did we land in Waverly Iowa you ask? Simple! You won the lottery when a dart, tossed by my client, hit the tiny town of Clarksville. The logical “city” was Greene (which has a much smaller population than appears on the map) after flying into Mason City; the limo driver stated “Waverly is the next Palm Springs.” We drove straight from Greene Iowa to Waverly Iowa and here we are. You should feel very fortunate at the luck of the dart Waverly; it could have just as easily struck an Ottumwa or Decorah.
My client not only fell in love with the land but became enamored of Waverly. He understands that Ashton Kutcher ran from the fields of Iowa like a Coyote running out of the hills of a southern California wildfire but my client so loved our Thursday venture that he has decided he wants to live in your city Waverly permanently!
He has retained me to write an open press release to your newspaper and other media. He wanted the citizens of Waverly to be informed of your wonderful luck before it leaks into the trades or on TMZ. My client wants to stress that he is just a regular guy. He understands you’ll want to approach him on the streets and in the restaurants. (A Mrs. Ackerman asked for his autograph at the Dairy Queen but we were not really bothered) He will hold a news conference in your city at a future date before the move and of course will allow a one time public viewing of his private residences and offices once those are completed.
He is looking at a potential move date of October of 2013. This should allow your economic development group plenty of time to consider some of the suggestions that my client has requested your city provides in order for him (and yourselves) to acclimate to living in the Midwest.
The very first thing we noticed upon retiring to the Red Fox Inn and preparing for our evening out were a legitimate lack of starlets. My client, currently single, would require a rather large dating pool of available females. Being in his late forties to early sixties his dating pool can include physically fit, blond starlet types between 23 and 34 years of age. We realize there are no actual starlets in Waverly but perhaps several could acquire the look. “Heroin thin”, blond, enhanced. My client would be willing to provide all funding for nutritionist, Pilates instructors and a doctor who is able to provide any medications and/or surgeries required to help these women achieve his desired results. We are asking the city provide an environment able to sustain a pool of 18 to 25 young women to be available at anytime to date my client. Single moms and farmer’s wives would be considered. (We were at the Applebees? and two young mothers of about 24 climbed down out of their large pickup truck both wearing coveralls and boots over the top of them. My client could tell underneath their feed caps that there may be potential in these farm wives. They were so brazen and fearless being in public in coveralls…Raw bold beauty.)
My client will require adequate housing and office space. He has put his 25,000 square foot home in Hollywood on the market and would require similar accommodations. He visited a couple of homes in Gateway which he considered purchasing and combining but then decided he would help out Waverly by putting up some of his own money and stimulating economic development as a showing of wanting to become a regular Waverly citizen.
My client has retained the Radishire Architectural Group from Australia and has delivered a vision to them of what he needs to feel fulfilled in. The Radishire Group is working on plans as of this writing. I cannot divulge all details but here is a “sneak preview” of what he intends to build. Your downtown skyline could be enhanced with an 11 story all glass building. My client will occupy an 18,000 square foot luxury condominium on the top floor, 10th floor for production studio. 9th floor would be available for any visiting friends, family and extended stay for his ex-wife/business partner whom he maintains a cordial relationship. The other 8 floors would be city owned. My client could provide initial capital to begin the project and of course would purchase the top three floors. The city would be required to fill the remainder 8 floors in exchange for partial ownership in the building and of course share in the taxes generated from it.
My client currently has a glorious expansive ocean view. We are not sure how this works but would be forever grateful if the city could create a small 500 acre lake for water front property. He would love to be able to look out of his windows in the morning as he does his yoga and align his chi with water. Something similar to what the city of Chicago offers. (This is not a deal breaker he finds your “ocean of corn” quite appealing at this time. Perhaps the Waverly ocean could be a 3 to 5 year project. When we viewed some of the flood images on Google however, he did remark, “It’s a shame the waters went away completely, some if it provided a lovely city lake”
I’m sorry Waverly but this next suggestion is a little embarrassing for you. My client realizes you’ve been dealing with floods and tornados over the last few years but you’ve got to pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and continue to be progressive! Your city is appallingly lacking a Rolls Royce or Bentley dealership – Frankly your inventory of Buicks and Fords is… well…Boring. You may not be aware of this but did you know that California has completely different models of Fords and Buicks than your dealerships are offering you? Have you even heard of the Buick Opulence? While not a deal breaker, a Rolls or Bentley dealership would be ideal. We needed a luxury vehicle last Thursday, stopped in to purchase one, and while talking to a sales person at the Chevrolet dealership, he did think it would be possible to take on a line of perhaps something like Land Rover. Chicago is simply too far away to have to drive to rent a Ferrari for the weekend. Consider this Waverly. You cannot really call yourself a city without a high end luxury automobile dealership.
Finally, my client has an eclectic collection of friends who could be bringing in incredible amounts of money but would also need an extremely large hotel built to accommodate them and their entourages. Hollywood people travel in large groups and stay for extended periods. Your hotel should have no problem keeping rooms booked for periods of 3 to 4 months to an entourage of 70 to 80 people. My client’s celebrity golf tournament which raises money for children with cleft palates has 50 celebrities who participate. That brings close to 6000 people on opening day just from their entourages and handlers. While we plan to continue that tournament at the Beverly Hills Golf and Country Club at this time, down the road James Wood and Stuart Copeland (of the rock band the Police) might get a real kick out of playing a couple of rounds in Waverly Iowa. (I can’t promise due to contractual details)
My client realizes these request make him sound like he is a demanding sort. Just the opposite! He feels these are all amenities that locals could (and would) enjoy. He says that once situated he may even get a kick out of being your Mayor for a few years. His friend Mr. Eastwood reigned in Carmel for a while and it was a hoot. My client feels we could negotiate with your city promotions board and come to terms for him to be adequately compensated for the international exposure provided to Waverly in exchange for him reigning as Mayor.
Things we loved about Waverly!
Your tiny airport cute and homey in its cornfield surroundings would be adequate for 14 to 16 Lear Jets landing and taking off. (Please for the love of God is there a limousine service in Waverly? He’ll require daily rental)
Your traffic light obedience policies are funny. The lights turn yellow and people actually stop before the light turns red. We sat by the river and watched people do that for 2 hours. We laughed so hard I thought my client’s personal trainer was going to pass out.
You seem to have delicious water. He’ll still drink imported bottled water but he won’t have to shower in it.
There you have it Waverly. We’ll keep you updated as the potential move and film production comes closer. Due to contractual obligations and privacy policy I am unable to name my client at this time. If you run into Mrs. Ackerman she may spill the beans as she shows you her newly prized “Go Hawk” T-shirt (with the “chocolate fudge likeness of Mickey Mouse” stain)
We look forward to another potential visit in early spring. Enjoy your fall (we hear “the leaves are beautiful” that is so funny!)
Wendell Barcelona
Wendell Barcelona and Associates
WB&A Media Inc.
The WB Group of Affiliated Artists
WB Productions
A Wendell Barcelona Company
Barcelona Events
Hollywood California.
2000091 Avenue of the Stars
Suite 2940B2Los Angeles, CA 90067t: 421.288.2000 f: 421.288.2980
Thursday, September 3, 2009
In Action
Buford checking in. Took some time off over the summer to get the house painted. Got the lower 5 feet done. Due to this Vertigo a little afraid to get on the ladder. Saw the Sturgis festival in South Dakota with Wendell. Cute! Real family oriented, kind of like a carnival. Miss the real days of sturgis back in the 70's. Got a few notations down and a few things have been driving me buggy lately so with the weather getting cold and a warm chair lookin inviting guess I'll get back to hammering out some thoughts.
Big news been contacted by a publisher who saw Ol' Bufords website here and we've been workin on my Memoirs (what I can remember of them anyway) and a compilation of some of my past books! Gonna get a book published and out there hopefully by May or June of 10. If I'm still above ground at that point.
Enjoy the summer and see you this fall.
Big news been contacted by a publisher who saw Ol' Bufords website here and we've been workin on my Memoirs (what I can remember of them anyway) and a compilation of some of my past books! Gonna get a book published and out there hopefully by May or June of 10. If I'm still above ground at that point.
Enjoy the summer and see you this fall.
Monday, May 25, 2009
I've got Time for a Memorial Day Memory
When I shut off the TV tonight I realized my gosh I've lost a lot of time to reruns. Time goes by so fast and I've spent hours watching the same shows, reading the same books, listening to the same songs and visiting the same places.
No one can say that time steals your youth. You choose to give time your youth. I chose to give Hollywood a few hours of my day so they can sell me their ideas and toothpaste. I chose to give that bartender 5 more bucks for a "couple more" thereby giving away the rest of the night. I chose to give that doctor my time when he told me I should relax for a few weeks which turned into months. I chose to give mother nature my time when she said "people at your age shouldn't be doing that any longer." I chose to give my ideas a rest when they said "You ain't no longer relevant."
I should have given time more time when I tried to fit it all in during the first 40 years. I should have given my time to the kids who could have learned some of the history I've lived. I should have given my time to more young adults who could have maybe avoided some of the painfulness of growing pains. I should have given more time to the Lord. He's gonna be staring me in the eye one of these days and saying "Well Buford?"
And, I should have given more of my time to those Veterans of ours laying in beds who I know would give anything in the world to have the time that I've given away. I've got a good feeling they'd done a lot more with it.
No one can say that time steals your youth. You choose to give time your youth. I chose to give Hollywood a few hours of my day so they can sell me their ideas and toothpaste. I chose to give that bartender 5 more bucks for a "couple more" thereby giving away the rest of the night. I chose to give that doctor my time when he told me I should relax for a few weeks which turned into months. I chose to give mother nature my time when she said "people at your age shouldn't be doing that any longer." I chose to give my ideas a rest when they said "You ain't no longer relevant."
I should have given time more time when I tried to fit it all in during the first 40 years. I should have given my time to the kids who could have learned some of the history I've lived. I should have given my time to more young adults who could have maybe avoided some of the painfulness of growing pains. I should have given more time to the Lord. He's gonna be staring me in the eye one of these days and saying "Well Buford?"
And, I should have given more of my time to those Veterans of ours laying in beds who I know would give anything in the world to have the time that I've given away. I've got a good feeling they'd done a lot more with it.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wendell's Eternal Tunes
So Wendell's been coming by for almost 11 years checkin on me. I had to put an ad in the paper back then when I had a case of gout on my left heel and whipping up my daily egg requirements became a little more laborious than I could handle. I'm all better since the last 10 years but just like a stray cat. You feed Wendell and Wendell hangs around.
Wendell comes by most days after his motor paper route and we have some sandwiches and he usually enjoys a couple of beers before he moves onto his next pursuit.
Over the last 11 years I've seen Wendell get involved in every kind of get rich scheme, fast buck ideas, multi-level marketing, at home parties, friends business ventures. You name it almost every week Wendell's got something cooking. I give him credit he pursues with passion. When he gets hot on something he is one hundred percent behind it. I drank more of that damn acai juice at 38 bucks a bottle than what I can remember. I have had my water filtered cleaner than any imported from Sweden. I've eaten more pills than Carter could make. I have been cleansed in places that no man should put a tube, I've had fat oozing out of pores, I've been yogasized and have discovered abs in 3 minutes. So you can imagine my hesitance when Wendell came over and said "Buford, I need an advance of 160 bucks. I got a new idea that we both can retire on!" I reminded Wendell that Ol' Buf is retired and settin OK at this point. Sure, I'd like to visit Egg Harbor up in Wisconsin and see one more of those fish boils before I leave but other than that I'm good.
I said "What do you need 160 bucks for?" Wendell gets a big ol grin, leans his head waaaay back and is looking up at my ceiling. He spreads his arms wide and says "Buford, for Eternal Tunes!" I swear I thought I heard Angels sing and the skys parted.
I said "what in the heck are Eternal Tunes?" Wendell still looking all starry eyed says "Buford, you know how I love Skynard don'tcha?" He said "I got to thinking last night when I was listening to the Street Survivor cassette that I have listened to this particular album over 14,000 times since it came out in 1976. It is the album I listen to every single morning while I'm showering and I've not missed a day in 33 years" He went on "I don't know what I'm going to do without hearing ""What's your name"" when the good Lord takes me from here?" I could see what was brewing in that huge head of his.
He went on with his pitch which had obviously been fermenting under that skin dome of his. Wendell says "I thought what better opportunity with today's modern technology to just take it with you!" he went on "just then it hit me, here is a business primed and ready to go" "Take your tunes with you for eternity." "I plan on loading up my ipod with all my favorite albums, just before they lower me under, I'll have the Rev hit play and I'm good to go." "Throw in some extra batteries and I'm listening to ""Honky Tonk Night Time Man"" all the way through the pearly gates."
So, Wendell and I popped open a couple of Millers and I had to admit. That does sound like a very good idea. According to the K-mart ad an Ipod runs you about $130 bucks, load it up with some tunes, pop those ear phones onto my ears and I've got sweet Connie Francis ushering me up to meet St. Peter.
Wendell says "I'll start running some ads and with your public speaking gigs at those Rotary clubs, you've got a group of baby boomers who love their Chubby Checker and let's face it with 100 million Baby Boomers entering the retirement category in the next few years, I figure there's enough to keep us busy and staring at the ocean down to Florida." "Florida by the way" he said, "would be a target rich environment"
So Wendell may have finally landed the big one. I like it. Eternal Tunes. Gotta start putting my songs on a yellow pad. Wendell says he's gonna trademark it right after I give him the 160 bucks to buy the first ipod and a few songs "for marketing purposes" I've been looking at getting back into the celebrity endorsement gig and with that Tiger Woods gettin Buick all tied up, I'm thinking Eternal Tunes may be the gig for Ol' Buford. I gotta lock Wendell into a contract before old Wilford Brimley or Tom Bosley comes knockin, he was a force with those Glad trash bags!
Wendell if you get this on your phone, bring some paper, we need to draw a little something up!
Right now though I've gotta get these 22 Nutri-yum-vites down. I'm going to relax this afternoon with some of these $23 Aromatherapy Candles and rub some of that Forever Young Gel on my face. At 87 bucks a bottle ya gotta keep on the regimen.
Wendell comes by most days after his motor paper route and we have some sandwiches and he usually enjoys a couple of beers before he moves onto his next pursuit.
Over the last 11 years I've seen Wendell get involved in every kind of get rich scheme, fast buck ideas, multi-level marketing, at home parties, friends business ventures. You name it almost every week Wendell's got something cooking. I give him credit he pursues with passion. When he gets hot on something he is one hundred percent behind it. I drank more of that damn acai juice at 38 bucks a bottle than what I can remember. I have had my water filtered cleaner than any imported from Sweden. I've eaten more pills than Carter could make. I have been cleansed in places that no man should put a tube, I've had fat oozing out of pores, I've been yogasized and have discovered abs in 3 minutes. So you can imagine my hesitance when Wendell came over and said "Buford, I need an advance of 160 bucks. I got a new idea that we both can retire on!" I reminded Wendell that Ol' Buf is retired and settin OK at this point. Sure, I'd like to visit Egg Harbor up in Wisconsin and see one more of those fish boils before I leave but other than that I'm good.
I said "What do you need 160 bucks for?" Wendell gets a big ol grin, leans his head waaaay back and is looking up at my ceiling. He spreads his arms wide and says "Buford, for Eternal Tunes!" I swear I thought I heard Angels sing and the skys parted.
I said "what in the heck are Eternal Tunes?" Wendell still looking all starry eyed says "Buford, you know how I love Skynard don'tcha?" He said "I got to thinking last night when I was listening to the Street Survivor cassette that I have listened to this particular album over 14,000 times since it came out in 1976. It is the album I listen to every single morning while I'm showering and I've not missed a day in 33 years" He went on "I don't know what I'm going to do without hearing ""What's your name"" when the good Lord takes me from here?" I could see what was brewing in that huge head of his.
He went on with his pitch which had obviously been fermenting under that skin dome of his. Wendell says "I thought what better opportunity with today's modern technology to just take it with you!" he went on "just then it hit me, here is a business primed and ready to go" "Take your tunes with you for eternity." "I plan on loading up my ipod with all my favorite albums, just before they lower me under, I'll have the Rev hit play and I'm good to go." "Throw in some extra batteries and I'm listening to ""Honky Tonk Night Time Man"" all the way through the pearly gates."
So, Wendell and I popped open a couple of Millers and I had to admit. That does sound like a very good idea. According to the K-mart ad an Ipod runs you about $130 bucks, load it up with some tunes, pop those ear phones onto my ears and I've got sweet Connie Francis ushering me up to meet St. Peter.
Wendell says "I'll start running some ads and with your public speaking gigs at those Rotary clubs, you've got a group of baby boomers who love their Chubby Checker and let's face it with 100 million Baby Boomers entering the retirement category in the next few years, I figure there's enough to keep us busy and staring at the ocean down to Florida." "Florida by the way" he said, "would be a target rich environment"
So Wendell may have finally landed the big one. I like it. Eternal Tunes. Gotta start putting my songs on a yellow pad. Wendell says he's gonna trademark it right after I give him the 160 bucks to buy the first ipod and a few songs "for marketing purposes" I've been looking at getting back into the celebrity endorsement gig and with that Tiger Woods gettin Buick all tied up, I'm thinking Eternal Tunes may be the gig for Ol' Buford. I gotta lock Wendell into a contract before old Wilford Brimley or Tom Bosley comes knockin, he was a force with those Glad trash bags!
Wendell if you get this on your phone, bring some paper, we need to draw a little something up!
Right now though I've gotta get these 22 Nutri-yum-vites down. I'm going to relax this afternoon with some of these $23 Aromatherapy Candles and rub some of that Forever Young Gel on my face. At 87 bucks a bottle ya gotta keep on the regimen.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Buford's Sunday night.
Sunday night I was sitting on my front porch enjoying a visit with my friends Jack Daniels and Arturo Fuentes. Sundays are usually the night of the week that Ol' Buford gets to spend some quality time alone with my thoughts. Wendell is usually attending one of his get rich quick group meetings and it is the only night that Dan doesn't try to cram green tea and shitaki mushrooms down my throat. The penguin trucks have just started to roll in across the street but haven't been here long enough to have the entire northeast section of Des Moines all smelled up. All in all a good night. About 9:30, the phone rings and it's Sandy Torgelston. She says her juicer is on the fritz and if Walli doesn't get his fresh squeezed carrot/plum/onion juice in the morning there is going to be hell to pay. I told her that I would be happy to take a look at it but Gabes Wholesale Parts was closed and if it needs any extensive repairs we would be up a creek. She said she understood and could always stop by the Hy-vee and pick up some prune juice for one day.
About 10:00 Sandy pulls up the drive and gives the horn a little honk. I wave at her from the porch and she takes a good ten minutes to get outta the car. She finally gets out, walks around to the trunk, opens that and pulls out a box. As she's walking up the steps she says "Hey Buford, where should I put this?" I said "we'll look at it in a bit." "Have a seat and enjoy some city night." I said "I'm visiting with Mr. Jack Daniels would you like a visit too?" She laughs and said "God no, Walli would shoot me if he knew I was drinking like the old days with Buford Picklebery" She says "I better not have any Jack.... Make me a double vodka with orange juice please." This ol girl has always made me laugh and feel a little lighter every time I see her.
I get her drink, she's sitting in the rockin chair next to mine and we just each sit for a moment enjoying the night. "tough luck that ol juicer breaking on a Sunday night" I say. "yeah tough luck" She went on "I don't know, might be OK, may have just been the outlet I was plugging it into." I laughed a bit. We sat another 10 minutes not saying a word. Just listening to the dogs barking and the trucks howling over on 80. Suddenly Sandy blurts out. "Buford, I don't know what the hell is wrong with Walli anymore?" "He doesn't do nothing since he retired" "his life is rotated between the bed and the tv couch and the bed." "He's living his life in 8 hour segments of sleep, Maury Povich and sleep."
Now ol' Walli never did set the world on fire. I've known him and Sandy for probably 40 years. Walli was a mail carrier for 28 years and retired about four years ago, maybe five already. I think the only thing he substituted from his old life into the retired life was to replace Des Moines postal route 37 gossip with ABC 5 Maury Povich gossip. I think the rest remained the same. Sleep, mail, sleep rotation. He provided a safe life for his family and that was his sole goal in life.
Sandy retired a school teacher and I first met her way back in 62'. I was asked by a judge to give a talk to some school kids on the dangers of the Devil's Lettuce. A little leftover request from the days of running with the Basillicians outta Dyersville. Sandy and I got along famously and enjoyed a couple of drinks after her class that day and have been friends ever since. Sandy and Walli had just started hitting the town together at the time so her and I have been nothing but friends for all these years.
She said, "I don't know Buford, I shoulda hopped onto the back of that panhead with you in 1962 and never looked back." " She kind of chuckled and I saw her steal a glance my way and look away in the same motion. She had a very far away look on her face and just the slightest tear slowly inched down her left cheek. She never even moved to stop it. We sat listening to the penned up penguins squawking across the road and I obliged her request for another drink. I said "you know, those damn penguins they got penned up across the street are all just waiting to die." I said "They run around, half fly, squawk and poop all day and never get anywhere." I said "But, every now and then one of em gets out, I see em streakin across my lawn or out in that field and we never see em again." "I don't know where they go but I do know they are probably loving their freedom even if they are stuck here in the middle of Iowa, miles from where they thought they would ever be." "Heck, when they take off outta that pen they probably have no idea where they're going either." "They probably miss some of their buddies but not enough to go back to em!" Sandy didn't reply.
We sat a long long time without saying a word and I finally said "we should look at that juicer." She kind of whispered more to herself than to me, "let it go for tonight, he can drink some prune juice" "Let's just sit here awhile" We sat and listened to the night. I was thinking about 1962 and a beautiful bright eyed school teacher named Ms. Sandy Brooks and some of life's wasted opportunities. I'm not sure what she was thinking but at one point she had reached over and lightly rested her left arm on my right arm. We sat gently connected. We listened and watched and didn't say another word.
I'm sure she'll come by and pick up that juicer some day. I've not even tried to plug it in.
About 10:00 Sandy pulls up the drive and gives the horn a little honk. I wave at her from the porch and she takes a good ten minutes to get outta the car. She finally gets out, walks around to the trunk, opens that and pulls out a box. As she's walking up the steps she says "Hey Buford, where should I put this?" I said "we'll look at it in a bit." "Have a seat and enjoy some city night." I said "I'm visiting with Mr. Jack Daniels would you like a visit too?" She laughs and said "God no, Walli would shoot me if he knew I was drinking like the old days with Buford Picklebery" She says "I better not have any Jack.... Make me a double vodka with orange juice please." This ol girl has always made me laugh and feel a little lighter every time I see her.
I get her drink, she's sitting in the rockin chair next to mine and we just each sit for a moment enjoying the night. "tough luck that ol juicer breaking on a Sunday night" I say. "yeah tough luck" She went on "I don't know, might be OK, may have just been the outlet I was plugging it into." I laughed a bit. We sat another 10 minutes not saying a word. Just listening to the dogs barking and the trucks howling over on 80. Suddenly Sandy blurts out. "Buford, I don't know what the hell is wrong with Walli anymore?" "He doesn't do nothing since he retired" "his life is rotated between the bed and the tv couch and the bed." "He's living his life in 8 hour segments of sleep, Maury Povich and sleep."
Now ol' Walli never did set the world on fire. I've known him and Sandy for probably 40 years. Walli was a mail carrier for 28 years and retired about four years ago, maybe five already. I think the only thing he substituted from his old life into the retired life was to replace Des Moines postal route 37 gossip with ABC 5 Maury Povich gossip. I think the rest remained the same. Sleep, mail, sleep rotation. He provided a safe life for his family and that was his sole goal in life.
Sandy retired a school teacher and I first met her way back in 62'. I was asked by a judge to give a talk to some school kids on the dangers of the Devil's Lettuce. A little leftover request from the days of running with the Basillicians outta Dyersville. Sandy and I got along famously and enjoyed a couple of drinks after her class that day and have been friends ever since. Sandy and Walli had just started hitting the town together at the time so her and I have been nothing but friends for all these years.
She said, "I don't know Buford, I shoulda hopped onto the back of that panhead with you in 1962 and never looked back." " She kind of chuckled and I saw her steal a glance my way and look away in the same motion. She had a very far away look on her face and just the slightest tear slowly inched down her left cheek. She never even moved to stop it. We sat listening to the penned up penguins squawking across the road and I obliged her request for another drink. I said "you know, those damn penguins they got penned up across the street are all just waiting to die." I said "They run around, half fly, squawk and poop all day and never get anywhere." I said "But, every now and then one of em gets out, I see em streakin across my lawn or out in that field and we never see em again." "I don't know where they go but I do know they are probably loving their freedom even if they are stuck here in the middle of Iowa, miles from where they thought they would ever be." "Heck, when they take off outta that pen they probably have no idea where they're going either." "They probably miss some of their buddies but not enough to go back to em!" Sandy didn't reply.
We sat a long long time without saying a word and I finally said "we should look at that juicer." She kind of whispered more to herself than to me, "let it go for tonight, he can drink some prune juice" "Let's just sit here awhile" We sat and listened to the night. I was thinking about 1962 and a beautiful bright eyed school teacher named Ms. Sandy Brooks and some of life's wasted opportunities. I'm not sure what she was thinking but at one point she had reached over and lightly rested her left arm on my right arm. We sat gently connected. We listened and watched and didn't say another word.
I'm sure she'll come by and pick up that juicer some day. I've not even tried to plug it in.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Internets Planned Blog Deletion
So, I woke up and was reading one of my favorite trusted news blogs and I came across a little tidbit that is quietly passing under the radar. It was carefully planned for release on a Sunday when they knew the nation would be tuned in to the Farrah Fawcett story and not paying attention to the news.
I quickly put on my "Investigative Reporter hat" and dug out the old newshound skills I used to have when I was night news editor for the Wabasha Herald back in the late 60's. I thought my readers might find my report interesting.
Dateline May 17.
Pickleberry Press:
Buford M. Pickleberry.
The Mayor's Council on Internet Blog Waste and Managment will begin deleting and eliminating all weblogs that have not been updated in the last 30 days.
"The internet is filling up too quickly causing congestion and traffic issues for everyone from major corporations to the single family home in rural Idaho." Says a spokesperson for the group.
A new group has been appointed by the Mayor's office to begin monitoring the internet for non-updated blogs. The new task force group will begin first with those blogs that contain too many photos of people standing in front of large mountains and ocean views. From there the group will elimate duplicate photos of young women at nightclubs holding onto each other. "Often a blog will contain multiple photos of the same female with the same friends with the only difference being the young women will be standing in a different pose in another photograph."
These "girls night out" photos take up enormous amounts of the internets storage capabilities and really are "All the same" states the spokesperson. "You gather up 3 blonds and a brunette, you put them all in sheer blouses and tight blue jeans." "Put a large drink in each of their hands and you've got the exact same photos duplicated millions of times across thousands of blogs." "Simply too much storage space is being wasted and no one has time to look at them or comment on them anyway" the spokesperson went on to say.
The same holds true for guys on motorcycles, extreme closeups of flowers and skylines. From there the group will process and eliminate those blogs that have any references to Paris Hilton and/or Wine. The ad-hoc group has deemed there is enough information available in the traditional media that the internet does not have to be "Blogged" down with this information. a spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous said "there is simply too much boring info out there. We are tired of reading about how a person's cat did the funniest thing and the 30 to 40 comments that follow it" There are way more important things that need to be routed and speeded through the internet without having to stop at an internet red light while the cat information passes through."
Commentators on the internet's most popular blog group have been in an uproar over this and are planning a "Peaceful ""Blogtest"" demonstration" for lack of a more creative name. Thousands of blogger commentators have joined up and have created a new centralized blog for the blog protest and have been contributing thousands of new comments. One blogger wrote a very heartfelt and philosophical post when he said "that freaking sucks" "it does" said Fred82222. "I agree" said motherof2" "me too" said wonderman99001 All of the over 2000 comments reflected the same thoughts. The Blogtest group has decided to quietly enroll hundreds of thousands and will create an online petition which will be sent to the Presidents office on "Blog Friday"
Several Blog Friday demonstrations are planned across the internet. There is a new facebook page created by weblogger "Steve Altergo" for this group of Blog testors to join to show their opposition to this new development. Quotes Mr. Altergo. "The internet cannot do this to me. I've spent almost every waking hour over the last 4 years chronicling my day to day life." Mr. Altergo's blog is cleverly entitled the thoughts and musings of Steve." "Over the last 4 years I have accumulated 11 readers who stop by "little corner of the internet" to read my stuff. I've had over 829 hits in the last 4 years. I am making a difference.
"Blog Friday" is planned for an upcoming friday to be determined once Mr. Altergo's" Facebook page has hit enough friends to fill out the petition.
The Blogtest group said it realizes that millions of pages of webbloggers thoughts and musings could be lost forever before they can band fast enough but to quote Mr. Altergo from his webblog "We will win the battle, if not the war" "That doesn't seem to be the right quote" said hippy2269. "I am pretty sure it is" replied Mr. Altergo. "Go freaking to hell" said 4HRErctshunman and the comments continued in regard to whether the quote was in fact correct.
I'll continue to monitor the situation and report on it as need arises. I've got my ear to the ground and I follow a lot of blogs that are frequently updated so they must be correct. - I've gotta go now, it's Sunday and that means ribeye and sweet potatos! - Buford.
I quickly put on my "Investigative Reporter hat" and dug out the old newshound skills I used to have when I was night news editor for the Wabasha Herald back in the late 60's. I thought my readers might find my report interesting.
Dateline May 17.
Pickleberry Press:
Buford M. Pickleberry.
The Mayor's Council on Internet Blog Waste and Managment will begin deleting and eliminating all weblogs that have not been updated in the last 30 days.
"The internet is filling up too quickly causing congestion and traffic issues for everyone from major corporations to the single family home in rural Idaho." Says a spokesperson for the group.
A new group has been appointed by the Mayor's office to begin monitoring the internet for non-updated blogs. The new task force group will begin first with those blogs that contain too many photos of people standing in front of large mountains and ocean views. From there the group will elimate duplicate photos of young women at nightclubs holding onto each other. "Often a blog will contain multiple photos of the same female with the same friends with the only difference being the young women will be standing in a different pose in another photograph."
These "girls night out" photos take up enormous amounts of the internets storage capabilities and really are "All the same" states the spokesperson. "You gather up 3 blonds and a brunette, you put them all in sheer blouses and tight blue jeans." "Put a large drink in each of their hands and you've got the exact same photos duplicated millions of times across thousands of blogs." "Simply too much storage space is being wasted and no one has time to look at them or comment on them anyway" the spokesperson went on to say.
The same holds true for guys on motorcycles, extreme closeups of flowers and skylines. From there the group will process and eliminate those blogs that have any references to Paris Hilton and/or Wine. The ad-hoc group has deemed there is enough information available in the traditional media that the internet does not have to be "Blogged" down with this information. a spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous said "there is simply too much boring info out there. We are tired of reading about how a person's cat did the funniest thing and the 30 to 40 comments that follow it" There are way more important things that need to be routed and speeded through the internet without having to stop at an internet red light while the cat information passes through."
Commentators on the internet's most popular blog group have been in an uproar over this and are planning a "Peaceful ""Blogtest"" demonstration" for lack of a more creative name. Thousands of blogger commentators have joined up and have created a new centralized blog for the blog protest and have been contributing thousands of new comments. One blogger wrote a very heartfelt and philosophical post when he said "that freaking sucks" "it does" said Fred82222. "I agree" said motherof2" "me too" said wonderman99001 All of the over 2000 comments reflected the same thoughts. The Blogtest group has decided to quietly enroll hundreds of thousands and will create an online petition which will be sent to the Presidents office on "Blog Friday"
Several Blog Friday demonstrations are planned across the internet. There is a new facebook page created by weblogger "Steve Altergo" for this group of Blog testors to join to show their opposition to this new development. Quotes Mr. Altergo. "The internet cannot do this to me. I've spent almost every waking hour over the last 4 years chronicling my day to day life." Mr. Altergo's blog is cleverly entitled the thoughts and musings of Steve." "Over the last 4 years I have accumulated 11 readers who stop by "little corner of the internet" to read my stuff. I've had over 829 hits in the last 4 years. I am making a difference.
"Blog Friday" is planned for an upcoming friday to be determined once Mr. Altergo's" Facebook page has hit enough friends to fill out the petition.
The Blogtest group said it realizes that millions of pages of webbloggers thoughts and musings could be lost forever before they can band fast enough but to quote Mr. Altergo from his webblog "We will win the battle, if not the war" "That doesn't seem to be the right quote" said hippy2269. "I am pretty sure it is" replied Mr. Altergo. "Go freaking to hell" said 4HRErctshunman and the comments continued in regard to whether the quote was in fact correct.
I'll continue to monitor the situation and report on it as need arises. I've got my ear to the ground and I follow a lot of blogs that are frequently updated so they must be correct. - I've gotta go now, it's Sunday and that means ribeye and sweet potatos! - Buford.
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