Sunday, May 17, 2009

Internets Planned Blog Deletion

So, I woke up and was reading one of my favorite trusted news blogs and I came across a little tidbit that is quietly passing under the radar. It was carefully planned for release on a Sunday when they knew the nation would be tuned in to the Farrah Fawcett story and not paying attention to the news.

I quickly put on my "Investigative Reporter hat" and dug out the old newshound skills I used to have when I was night news editor for the Wabasha Herald back in the late 60's. I thought my readers might find my report interesting.

Dateline May 17.
Pickleberry Press:
Buford M. Pickleberry.

The Mayor's Council on Internet Blog Waste and Managment will begin deleting and eliminating all weblogs that have not been updated in the last 30 days.

"The internet is filling up too quickly causing congestion and traffic issues for everyone from major corporations to the single family home in rural Idaho." Says a spokesperson for the group.

A new group has been appointed by the Mayor's office to begin monitoring the internet for non-updated blogs. The new task force group will begin first with those blogs that contain too many photos of people standing in front of large mountains and ocean views. From there the group will elimate duplicate photos of young women at nightclubs holding onto each other. "Often a blog will contain multiple photos of the same female with the same friends with the only difference being the young women will be standing in a different pose in another photograph."

These "girls night out" photos take up enormous amounts of the internets storage capabilities and really are "All the same" states the spokesperson. "You gather up 3 blonds and a brunette, you put them all in sheer blouses and tight blue jeans." "Put a large drink in each of their hands and you've got the exact same photos duplicated millions of times across thousands of blogs." "Simply too much storage space is being wasted and no one has time to look at them or comment on them anyway" the spokesperson went on to say.

The same holds true for guys on motorcycles, extreme closeups of flowers and skylines. From there the group will process and eliminate those blogs that have any references to Paris Hilton and/or Wine. The ad-hoc group has deemed there is enough information available in the traditional media that the internet does not have to be "Blogged" down with this information. a spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous said "there is simply too much boring info out there. We are tired of reading about how a person's cat did the funniest thing and the 30 to 40 comments that follow it" There are way more important things that need to be routed and speeded through the internet without having to stop at an internet red light while the cat information passes through."

Commentators on the internet's most popular blog group have been in an uproar over this and are planning a "Peaceful ""Blogtest"" demonstration" for lack of a more creative name. Thousands of blogger commentators have joined up and have created a new centralized blog for the blog protest and have been contributing thousands of new comments. One blogger wrote a very heartfelt and philosophical post when he said "that freaking sucks" "it does" said Fred82222. "I agree" said motherof2" "me too" said wonderman99001 All of the over 2000 comments reflected the same thoughts. The Blogtest group has decided to quietly enroll hundreds of thousands and will create an online petition which will be sent to the Presidents office on "Blog Friday"

Several Blog Friday demonstrations are planned across the internet. There is a new facebook page created by weblogger "Steve Altergo" for this group of Blog testors to join to show their opposition to this new development. Quotes Mr. Altergo. "The internet cannot do this to me. I've spent almost every waking hour over the last 4 years chronicling my day to day life." Mr. Altergo's blog is cleverly entitled the thoughts and musings of Steve." "Over the last 4 years I have accumulated 11 readers who stop by "little corner of the internet" to read my stuff. I've had over 829 hits in the last 4 years. I am making a difference.

"Blog Friday" is planned for an upcoming friday to be determined once Mr. Altergo's" Facebook page has hit enough friends to fill out the petition.

The Blogtest group said it realizes that millions of pages of webbloggers thoughts and musings could be lost forever before they can band fast enough but to quote Mr. Altergo from his webblog "We will win the battle, if not the war" "That doesn't seem to be the right quote" said hippy2269. "I am pretty sure it is" replied Mr. Altergo. "Go freaking to hell" said 4HRErctshunman and the comments continued in regard to whether the quote was in fact correct.

I'll continue to monitor the situation and report on it as need arises. I've got my ear to the ground and I follow a lot of blogs that are frequently updated so they must be correct. - I've gotta go now, it's Sunday and that means ribeye and sweet potatos! - Buford.


  1. Buford! I'm shocked! How can the government do this to the sloggy bloggers of the world? How can this be?
    As you know, I'm a huge motorcycle fan...what happens when they take the web sites down that talk about motorcycles/ Oh my lord...What will I do? Join the Red Hat Ladies? Oh crap, that wasn't their title...what are they known as again? Shall I join a right wing blog movement...?

    I'm no longer shocked Buford, now I'm scared...what will happen to the Elizabethton Ladies Garden Group? Will they actually have to leave the comfort of their homes to meet and show how their gardens grow? Will our malls be invaded by little ladies in bushwacker pants, knee pads, straw hats and wagons pulling fertilizer? What will become of the teenagers? If they can no longer post the three blonds and a brain shots? Where will these poor kids go? How will they communicate with each other? Will they come out of their homes in mass and flood the freeways? The coffee shops..? What the heck is gonna be happening?
    I'm afraid, Buford...I'm very afraid....

  2. Buford..I don't think this could happen...They'd have a revolution of sorts of their hands that would be very difficult to deal with

  3. Where the heck did you get this information from?
    If it were anything to be concerned about, My guess is that you would find it on I checked, and found nothing. I'd love to investigate it myself.

  4. oh oh, we bloggers must revolt...

  5. Common Buff where did you get this bullshit story information from ??? you got many folks here worried and turning to Jack Daniels for Advice...