Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wendell's Eternal Tunes

So Wendell's been coming by for almost 11 years checkin on me. I had to put an ad in the paper back then when I had a case of gout on my left heel and whipping up my daily egg requirements became a little more laborious than I could handle. I'm all better since the last 10 years but just like a stray cat. You feed Wendell and Wendell hangs around.

Wendell comes by most days after his motor paper route and we have some sandwiches and he usually enjoys a couple of beers before he moves onto his next pursuit.

Over the last 11 years I've seen Wendell get involved in every kind of get rich scheme, fast buck ideas, multi-level marketing, at home parties, friends business ventures. You name it almost every week Wendell's got something cooking. I give him credit he pursues with passion. When he gets hot on something he is one hundred percent behind it. I drank more of that damn acai juice at 38 bucks a bottle than what I can remember. I have had my water filtered cleaner than any imported from Sweden. I've eaten more pills than Carter could make. I have been cleansed in places that no man should put a tube, I've had fat oozing out of pores, I've been yogasized and have discovered abs in 3 minutes. So you can imagine my hesitance when Wendell came over and said "Buford, I need an advance of 160 bucks. I got a new idea that we both can retire on!" I reminded Wendell that Ol' Buf is retired and settin OK at this point. Sure, I'd like to visit Egg Harbor up in Wisconsin and see one more of those fish boils before I leave but other than that I'm good.

I said "What do you need 160 bucks for?" Wendell gets a big ol grin, leans his head waaaay back and is looking up at my ceiling. He spreads his arms wide and says "Buford, for Eternal Tunes!" I swear I thought I heard Angels sing and the skys parted.

I said "what in the heck are Eternal Tunes?" Wendell still looking all starry eyed says "Buford, you know how I love Skynard don'tcha?" He said "I got to thinking last night when I was listening to the Street Survivor cassette that I have listened to this particular album over 14,000 times since it came out in 1976. It is the album I listen to every single morning while I'm showering and I've not missed a day in 33 years" He went on "I don't know what I'm going to do without hearing ""What's your name"" when the good Lord takes me from here?" I could see what was brewing in that huge head of his.

He went on with his pitch which had obviously been fermenting under that skin dome of his. Wendell says "I thought what better opportunity with today's modern technology to just take it with you!" he went on "just then it hit me, here is a business primed and ready to go" "Take your tunes with you for eternity." "I plan on loading up my ipod with all my favorite albums, just before they lower me under, I'll have the Rev hit play and I'm good to go." "Throw in some extra batteries and I'm listening to ""Honky Tonk Night Time Man"" all the way through the pearly gates."

So, Wendell and I popped open a couple of Millers and I had to admit. That does sound like a very good idea. According to the K-mart ad an Ipod runs you about $130 bucks, load it up with some tunes, pop those ear phones onto my ears and I've got sweet Connie Francis ushering me up to meet St. Peter.

Wendell says "I'll start running some ads and with your public speaking gigs at those Rotary clubs, you've got a group of baby boomers who love their Chubby Checker and let's face it with 100 million Baby Boomers entering the retirement category in the next few years, I figure there's enough to keep us busy and staring at the ocean down to Florida." "Florida by the way" he said, "would be a target rich environment"

So Wendell may have finally landed the big one. I like it. Eternal Tunes. Gotta start putting my songs on a yellow pad. Wendell says he's gonna trademark it right after I give him the 160 bucks to buy the first ipod and a few songs "for marketing purposes" I've been looking at getting back into the celebrity endorsement gig and with that Tiger Woods gettin Buick all tied up, I'm thinking Eternal Tunes may be the gig for Ol' Buford. I gotta lock Wendell into a contract before old Wilford Brimley or Tom Bosley comes knockin, he was a force with those Glad trash bags!

Wendell if you get this on your phone, bring some paper, we need to draw a little something up!

Right now though I've gotta get these 22 Nutri-yum-vites down. I'm going to relax this afternoon with some of these $23 Aromatherapy Candles and rub some of that Forever Young Gel on my face. At 87 bucks a bottle ya gotta keep on the regimen.

1 comment:

  1. You and Buford make an interesting pair.
    Thanks for stopping by the Fortress and feeding the dragons.
    Good luck with eternal tunes but I wouldn't hope for too much there are too many unbelievers out there.