Friday, March 13, 2009

FInally, winter seems to be coming to an end

Good Morning. I'm writing this morning on Wendell's laptop computer which seems to be a bit touchy. We're

Those who know me, understand that Buford likes to keep busy, I do a lot of public speaking to small groups mostly around the midwest. I like to keep my fingers, eyes and brain nimble working on small appliances, mostly for friends and relatives. As we get ready for a full summer ahead, I was going over my yellow pad and decided to put onto my website here what I got accomplished this winter.

I hope it inspires some folks at what can be done when you decide to shut the TV off, and get off yer behind.

1. I am very proud that I finally shattered my record of being able to hold my breath for 9 minutes nd 13 seconds adn increased it to 11 minutes and 11 seconds.

2. I volunteered for several days at a day camp for bladderless migrant workers

3. Three weeks I made myself available for product endorsements in Samarjia where I am extremely well known.

4. I formed a small 17 piece marching band and put on free concerts for the elderly in stadiums across the country in December.

5. I was able to handily defeat Pete Sampras in Golf, Greg Norman in Checkers and Mindov Kastletniz in leg wrestling.

6. I was voted "Rookie of the Year" and had the title ceremoniously stripped of me for having too much experience.

7 I cracked that Davinci Code a year too late.

8. I took full credit for coining the phrase "Bird Flu".

9 I mastered Time Travel, but got a little too far behind and Wendell had to come and get me.

10. I bought a hovercraft event though I spend most of my time indoors.

11. I ate Green Beans even though I deplore the color.

12. I walked a fine line between Freeze Drying and Freezer Burning.

13. I learned the delicate art of Buffalo management.

14. I studied with Kenichiro Nishi yet had my play widely panned.

15. At one point in January I gave some very heavy consideration.

16. I wrote and performed a one man show playing the person who had to move Katie Couric's Desk.

17. I earned the trust of a reeses monkey only to have him use the information against me.

18. I spent several minutes in a deep depression that I couldn't coin a name better than Google

19. Several hours every Tuesday was spent calling Wendell and Dan by their middle names.

20. I scientifically engineered a new fruit varietal that actually does taste like chicken.

21. I formed a macrame consortium and immediately disbanded it when they refused to refer the themselves as my entourage.

22. I March I went 3 days without drinking one ounce of fluids yet curiously spent several minutes each hour in the restroom?

23. I had an online relationship with someone that didn't even own a computer.

24. I perfected my walk.

25. I finally taught a man to fish so he would leave me alone.

26. I argued for a seatmate on a plane that a colostomy bag was not bringing liquids onto the plane.

27. I spent every day the entire winter answering my phone with the expression "Brad Pitt's Phone" please hold.

28. I attended several Symphony events, demanded to be sat in the front row, where I would scream "Play Freebird" at the musicians all night.

29. I tossed one back and it came back to bite me.

30. I found an absolute perfect moment to lollygag and decided not to.

31. I developed a line of cookwear for overpriveleged children.

32. I was actually able to keep a long story short.

33. I turned down a role that I have yet to regret.

34. I called with uncanny accuracy the final scores of sevearl Pac 10 wrestling tournaments.

35. In December I medically confirmed that I would never be a mother even though this was something I always knew in my heart.

36. I waited almost 35 years to trounce, I found it to be exhilarating yet exhausting.

37. I sat next to group that actually was eating, drinking and being merry.

38. I very much enjoyed Kiwi on the very first try even though I was told it was an acquired taste.

39. I teamed up with Paul McCartney to record a new album and we decided to never release it.

40. I discovered I have an uncanny ability to balance on my left foot. It is being studied by a team of doctors.

41. I experienced expoential growth that really didn't hurt that much.

42. I studied with the Dali Lama, several guru's, and the guy fixing my patio cement. I finally learned that the secret, the one true meaning of "It ALL" is found in the expression. Well my memory slips me right now, I'll have to get back to you on that one. It's good though if I remember right.

Pretty good winter, what did you get done?

Thats all I got for today, leave me alone, let me know you got this.

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